Broker v. Business Owner

The idea's flawless.

Men are hired from the depressed local workforce at a discount rate. Just a small crew to come out here with shovels, all that stuff, and dig a mass grave somewhere nearby. I’m talking a nice sized mass grave. Size of an indoor pool, say. And the best quality for the departed, God bless their souls. That’s where we dump them, all the pieces right down the side together. Easy, all at once, using spades, rakes, whatever. A real operation. We hire them to clean up the other bodies, too. The half-buried one by the creek, the one overrun by maggots over where the road bridges the creek. You get the point. All chucked in the pit. Done.

And going forward?

Easy. We bring back the best diggers, a skeleton crew—-no offense, pun not intended-—and these people act as caretakers. New body? This time an individual grave. Maybe even a marker. Or maybe we set up some kind of incinerator. Options are limitless.

The Business Owner considers this. He nibbles at the insides of his cheek. Finally, he asks who’ll pay. The Broker reaches out his hand, taps the Business Owner on the chest. As if to threaten, or make a point.

That’s the beauty of it, the Broker says. The beauty of all this is if play it right, talk to your Accountant, keep the receipts—you can write this off as a corporate donation.

To who?

I don’t know. Your priest, your parish church.

The Business Owner asks him why he doesn't put in his money.

How can I write anything off as a corporate donation if I’m not incorporated? asks the Broker.

The Business Owner considers. He sees the benefit of the idea, yet understands the idiocy of believing it an expense that can be written off. Still, he thinks, after seventeen years in the discount lamp business, it would be nice to give back to the community. So he agrees.

The Broker’s pleased. He claps the Business Owner on the shoulder. Now it’s just up to one of us to go into town and hire the workers to start their work, he says.

The two men stand.

Birds chirp in the distance.

Neither move.

They both suddenly realize the flaw in the plan.

They raise their guns. Their guns go off.